RECOGNIZING TOXIC BEHAVIOUR

RECOGNISING YOUR OWN TOXIC BEHAVIOURS

by Dhabitah Zailani

If you Google “Toxic Behaviors”, you’ll find hundreds of articles on how to recognize toxic behaviors; usually, recognizing or trying to find the signs of toxic behaviors of those around you. Of course, it’s important to be able to tell if your relationship with someone is toxic (and even more important to be able to confront them about it), or make the decision of whether you want to keep them in your life. However, if you want to know how to do that, there are plenty of articles and forums on the internet. So, what about recognizing your own toxic behaviors? You already know what toxic behaviors are; they’re listed on all the articles you Googled - but how do we know if we’re being toxic to ourselves or others?

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We’re all in college - young enough to feel awkward to talk about ourselves but old enough to be open to figuring ourselves out more. I wouldn’t say it’s an age thing  to be offended or hurt when their flaws are pointed out, it’s only human. Recognizing our flaws can be painful, but it’s absolutely integral to becoming a better person for ourselves and those around us.

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For those of us who have suffered with mental illnesses, looking into your own mind can be a slippery slope. On our bad days, one issue can snowball into a million and suddenly, you think you’re the worst person on earth. However, it’s important to remember that we are the biggest critics to ourselves. We can also be our biggest fans. Recognizing your own toxic behavior starts with being honest.

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Be honest with yourself

Be humble. You can be proud of being yourself, but remember that nobody’s perfect. Keep this in mind as you go through this process, because you only improve when you’re honest with yourself.

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Ask your loved ones for their input, and be open

Make a list of things that you think you could possibly improve, or behaviors you know that you have that aren’t exactly the best. Ask those around you to be honest with you as well, and welcome their input. If it helps, start with close friends or loved ones. They probably know you better than you know yourself. If you show you’re open to their words, they’ll feel safe in telling you what you can improve on.

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Don’t get offended

It’s important not to be offended and remember that your loved ones will be giving you the most honest feedback that they can. Take it as a point for self improvement. If you can work on yourself, you can be a better person for yourself and those who love you.

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Try it out!

Practice the feedback you receive. It might feel odd at first, you may have to remind yourself along the way because it might feel weird or unusual to how you usually are. Perhaps your toxic behaviors were small things or sayings that are socially acceptable, but regardless, they can be unhealthy and hurtful. You may wonder why you have to change the things you do or say - but it makes all the difference in how you treat others. Just because you don’t find what you say offensive doesn’t mean others aren’t offended by it. We should all take steps to better understand and adapt to each other.

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In other words, treat people the way you want to be treated.
These words should guide you in your self-improvement, whether it's in identifying toxic behaviors or just wanting to be a better person.

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Here are some links to further clarify signs of toxic behaviors within yourself!:

https://blogs.webmd.com/mental-health/20190402/you-may-have-toxic-behaviors-youre-not-awa re-of

https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3865/30-toxic-behaviors-no-place-life/