SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS
& SELF-IMAGE
Here are inspiring articles that remind us to be kind to and love ourselves.
MAY 2021 ARTICLES
SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS, SELF-IMAGE, AND SELF-LOVE
by Imane
As a general rule of life, we must keep a healthy balance of everything. Self-consciousness, by definition, is the undue awareness of oneself. Someone who lacks self-awareness is blinded by a distorted vision inside their own bubble. On the other hand, someone who has too much self awareness is also trapped in their own world, where their version of themselves is somehow always lacking. It can become a toxic habit to be focused on oneself instead of life’s moments, and it can be a toxic habit not to look at oneself and go on with life’s moments. Self-image is a similar concept; by definition, it is the idea one has of one's abilities, appearance, and personality. It is of course subjective, but it is rare for people to have a “spot on” image of themselves, no matter how well they think they know themselves. Discovering our personalities, values, potential, and abilities plays an important part in building our self image, but it is never only created within ourselves; self-image is shaped by the countless experiences and people we come across throughout our lives. Some things have more impact than others, but everything eventually plays a part in how we paint ourselves. Lastly comes self-love. One of the most difficult achievements for many. Self love is a sort of combination of the previous concepts; it depends on a good self-image and consciousness. It is a very complex topic, but I think it is essential to highlight people’s standards of their own beings. Some may think they can only love themselves if they reach certain things, or get rid of others. Others may think they are not worthy of love because of a low self image or high self consciousness. Others may have the wrong concept of self love, and think that blowing up their self image and stepping on others is considered self love. Nevertheless, a good balance is key.
In my experience, I still struggle with all three categories. As a perfectionist who grew up surrounded by the wrong people, I am now trying to pick the pieces back up and deconstruct what I’ve internalized about myself. Juggling between a balanced self consciousness, positive yet realistic self image and enough self love is still difficult to this day, but trying is already a great accomplishment. Such things take time and patience, but I like to remind myself that I must not give up on myself, regardless of how hard it gets. I will be spending every single day of my life with myself, so it should be my priority to work on a good relationship with myself, all while being a constant work in progress. I also like to remember that achieving this is not a linear process, and I should expect ups and downs. I hope someone else resonates with my words and remembers to be proud of who they’ve become, or who they’re becoming. Remember not to compare yourself with others, and always focus on your well-being, because in the end you will always have to be there for yourself.
A LETTER TO MYSELF 10 YEARS FROM NOW
by Jayda Lim
Dear Jayda,
Hi to myself 10 years from now. I hope that you are doing well and are successful. I know that you have wanted to be successful ever since you were in high school. I wonder how you are coping right now? Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m doing pretty well. We have a pandemic right now, and I had to take my first year in college doing online classes. It really frustrates me because I’ve been waiting for college my whole life and when the pandemic happened, it’s like my opportunities were taken away from me.
I also feel that my mental health is taking a toll on me. For some reason, with the fact that everything is online, I feel like I’m loving myself less each day, and sometimes, I feel bad asking others for validation about myself. How did you overcome this, future Jayda? I feel bad having to ask around for validation because I’m not sure if I’m worthy enough to love myself. However, even up to now, I’m still looking at myself and doing my best to love myself. Sometimes, it may sound too self-centered, but I really want to learn how to value myself, especially when I don’t see the people that are special to me.
I wonder what you like now. Do you still love watching Korean dramas and films? Do you still play Tekken or League of Legends? Have you improved? Do you also have your own house now? Right now, I’m just worried I won’t be able to achieve what I want to achieve because of the circumstances.
What I really want for you to know is that you are such an amazing person and to acknowledge how far you have reached! Despite what people say, you should always believe in yourself. A lot of people have doubted you but look at yourself for being able to get into a good university and for surviving up until now! I’m proud of you!
I hope for so much prosperity for the upcoming years! And remember to always love yourself.
Sincerely,
Jayda from 10 years ago.
APRIL 2021 ARTICLES
OPEN YOUR ARMS AND ACCEPT FROM WITHIN
by Jisoo Myung
It’s plastered all over Korea. The walls, the buses, your phones… Beauty standards in Korea force everyone to mirror the looks of pale, poreless faces with bright coloured eyes, and the slim body that “free sizes” are marketed for. This unhealthy obsession with the “perfect, ideal body” oozes out of these celebrities and sinks into the people around us. Plastic surgery equates to graduation gifts, and the ever-increasing number of perfectly moulded people pushes this to the norm.
I think it is easy to slip into a hole of self-doubt alongside a drop in confidence when you’re surrounded by these overwhelming and loud imageries and expectations. If we take a step back, self-love is pretty difficult for most people, because it is much easier to point out your own flaws while fixating on the successes of others. Some might even feel a sense of foreignness when looking into the mirror, not recognising or refusing to believe that the one reflected back is them. That can’t be me, why do I look so different? The pain and frustration that follow are pretty evident in the staggering number of uneasy and self-deprecating Korean children and young adults.
But what defines self-love?
Like with anything, self-love means different things to different people, and for me, it’s the basic idea of accepting myself. You may be wondering where this is going since everyone knows this - it’s the simplest and most generic definition. But hear me out, accepting oneself is so much more difficult especially with the booming success and use of social media. We are constantly exposed to these brushed up and polished images of what the ideal individual should be like, and it’s difficult to shake it out of your head. It’s not like turning off your phone and meditating to control your thoughts is exactly easy either.
Another common setback I see is the reliance on others for self-validation. However, self-love should be sought from within, and not from others. Being showered with compliments or attaching yourself to people who offer the slightest slither of acceptance should not be your core form of self-love. I am allowed to be loved, because (someone) loves me.
Self-love and acceptance starts and ends with you - you have the ability to blossom into who you want to be, and it’s more than valid to spend your whole life looking for yourself or changing bits of yourself. Self-love is about prioritising yourself above everything else and genuinely taking care of yourself, and watching yourself grow like a sprout into a tree. Once you manage to understand and accept who you are, the lists of anxieties and doubt can easily be washed away. Self-love is so important and essential for an enriching and fulfilling life, where you are constantly improving and becoming the best version of yourself.
After running through personal hurdles after hurdles of self-doubt, I can now open my arms and accept the individual that is reflected back to me. Although the process was (and is still) difficult and at times, even disappointing, I can and will look myself in the eye and love and accept who I am.
And so can you.
DECEMBER 2020 ARTICLES
CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS
by Latifa Sekarini
I once told a friend that getting to know me was like picking up the phone and expecting one of my comfort characters to pick up but not knowing which one. Growing up nomadically, I latched on to these characters for comfort when I found it hard to connect with my peers or confide in family members. And after all this time, I still see myself as an amalgamation of them and their multi-dimensional personalities.
1. Princess Bubblegum and Marceline
These two have always been near and dear to my heart since middle school, but the recent release of Adventure Time: Distant Lands helped contextualize the background stories of both Marceline and PB. Their storylines felt close to home and I was glad the creators didn’t choose to sugarcoat their struggles or use their relationship to signify the end of their problems. Realistically, healing is never a linear process and it’s never a solitary process either. There will be relapses. There will be moments when you feel like you’re going backward instead of forward. But PB and Marceline showed me that sometimes you need to revisit the places where you were once hurt or even step away from them to see where you’re heading.
2. Shizuku from Whisper of the Heart
Whisper of the Heart was one out of the five Studio Ghibli films I binge-watched at the beginning of 2020. Aside from her being an Asian, multi-dimensional character who wasn’t the token minority or someone who excelled at Math, her character was easy to relate to, most likely because of our shared love of reading and writing. The abrupt transition from offline to online school during my senior year threw me into constant periods of anxiety and hesitation over what to pursue in college. I felt pressured to choose a similar career path to my parents and major in International Relations, while at the same time I felt like pursuing a degree in literature wouldn’t give me the stable income that people told me I’d need.
Most people knew me as someone passionate about writing, but I was never perceived as prodigal or “born with it.” It meant so much to me to see a character like Shizuku delve deep into her story-writing process while ignoring her schoolwork and exams (not recommended), and then coming to the conclusion that she needed to learn more about writing to improve her skills really hit home. Her complex relationship with her own desire to create mirrored my own, and I found Shizuku’s story incredibly resonant.
3. Ladybird
Part of me wishes I’d dyed my hair pink instead of green during my senior year and shamelessly romanticize everything about life like Ladybird did. I tried too hard to fit in during high school, and sometimes I wish I didn’t.
This might sound unusual but when Ladybird lied or got mad at her friends, I could only wish I had the courage to do that. I spent so many years trying to please everyone. I remember running from one friend group to another, wondering if adaptability meant the same thing as unauthentic. As a Virgo, I’m always worried about whether I’m authentic enough, and whether people value my authenticity as I do. I think Ladybird serves as a reminder that sincerity should be my top priority, and it’s always good to indulge in creating angsty art every once in a while.
4. Lara Jean Song Covey
It’s not every day you get to see a Korean-American protagonist who was big on romanticization and had unrealistic ideas about love and life. Personally, I admired how she embraced her femininity and her soft heart, and also how sincere she was toward people, even if she wasn’t the most popular girl in school. Even to this day, I struggle with a lot of internalized misogyny. Although it’s partly on behalf of the institutions that conditioned me to associate femininity with competitiveness, I’m equally responsible for unlearning the negativity I’ve been internalizing and taking accountability when my own insecurities project on to other people.
Lara Jean taught me that being a feminist doesn’t necessarily mean renouncing your femininity. It doesn’t mean you should abandon life-skills like cooking or cleaning. It certainly doesn’t mean you should see other girls as fellow competitors. Sometimes it means taking pride in the fact that you’re like other girls. Or not.
NOVEMBER 2020 ARTICLES
WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM? WHY DO I NEED IT? HOW CAN I ACHIEVE IT?
by Amina Baimuldinova
“As we go through life we gradually discover who we are, but the more we discover, the more we lose ourselves” – Haruki Murakami
Self-transformation, self-image, self-esteem, self-worth, self-realization, self-confidence… The myriad number of everything related to “self” emphasizes that, eventually, every action, behavior, relationship, experience, event, reaction, and emotion finds its root in yourself. Everything begins in your mind. It is the significance of having a healthy understanding of self-esteem and self-image, being able to transform your self-concept, and mastering your unique identity throughout your life.
What is self-esteem or self-image? Well, to put it simply, it is all about your vision of the overall sense of your value, worth, and image, which is a foundational pillar of your identity. Ask yourself if you have healthy, low, or high self-esteem? Low self-esteem means a lack of belief and value in yourself, which results in heavy self-criticism, constant comparison of yourself with others, and chronic indecisiveness. High self-esteem, on the other hand, is expressed through boasting and feeling superior to others, which is a little and unhealthy understanding of your weaknesses and strengths.
According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualization, the need to realize your potential, is the highest point, which is everyone’s highest conscious or unconscious need. However, if you want to achieve it, you have to understand your potential.
To do so, you have to have good self-esteem, understanding and recognizing your true identity, being respected, and respecting others. It will never be possible without the need to love and be loved, to belong and be accepted, and to avoid being alienated. The concept of love is not conceivable without feeling secure and safe. Safety does not matter if you are hungry or thirsty, which are our most basic needs.
Finally, you might ask if there are any practical ways to build healthy self-esteem, which has a paramount significance if one wants to realize his/her fullest potential.
1. Explore
Through trials and errors, journeys and experiences, explore yourself. Observe yourself. Commit your exploration by starting with a single sheet of paper and writing your weaknesses and strengths. Don’t be afraid as the fear will never help to discover you.
2. Expect what is realistic.
Don’t be a perfectionist. Seeking attention and recognition from outside by setting unachievable goals, often imposed by people around you, is a sign of low self-esteem. Be realistic with what you can now. Start with one small step, not with a marathon.
3. Adjust
External circumstances always change with which your ideas and perspectives do. Thus you must keep up with the world by changing and building yourself throughout your journey.
4. Avoid comparison
Comparison only exists in your mind. Humans are prone to compare everything, which is not bad when you have to choose between different alternatives. However, nowadays, with social media, it is easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself with other people. It results in unproductive actions that will bring you down. Instead, you can focus on yourself and master your self-concept.
5. Meditate
Regular meditation will help you to observe and inspect your thoughts to comprehend your state of mind. It will help you to cultivate inner peace, which is essential for healthy self-esteem.
THE POWER OF WORKING OUT
by Dail Jung
Working out is a way many achieve a “transformation” that they are proud of. Although it may seem like working out is for a select group of people that is already in good shape, in reality, it is for everyone. In the gym, there is a common saying that “it does not matter how much you lift or how good you look, it only matters how hard you go.” The quote summarizes how people in the gym are there to improve themselves for their personal goals. Working out is far less about “showboating” or growing enormous muscles but more about getting a step closer to being the version of you that you truly desire.
If that reason alone does not sell working out to you, then knowing that you will gain the confidence you seek may. After starting to work out myself, I realized that I became much more comfortable in social situations. There was just something comforting knowing that you have more physical presence that can add onto your social presence. It gets you less worried about the way others perceive you and more engaged in meaningful conversations.
Another good reason to work out is health. Often, we become entrapped in unhealthy lifestyles: eating food at night, having junk food, walking very little throughout the day, and so on. However, by working out, you feel accountable for the work you put into your body and become more aware of those negative habits affecting your mood and self-image. Taking rid of such toxins is good not only for mental health but also physical health.
Finally, working out can literally help you become who you want to be. We all have an image of ourselves that we might consider impossible to attain or too perfect. Although it is popularly believed that it is best to neglect the ideas of perfection, I think that it is better to pursue it. It does not necessarily matter if you ever attain it-which you probably will not- but what matters is that you are one step closer to it than you would have been if you did not work out. Wherever you are at in your personal fitness journey, just know that millions of others are supporting you and hoping that you keep going until you are satisfied!
OCTOBER 2020 ARTICLES
STOP SEARCHING FOR EXTERNAL VALIDATION
By Aruzhan Aimanshina
“Ready, set, go!” Whistle. A jump—my body submerges into water. My heart was rapidly beating from the surge of adrenaline. I swam across the lane until I felt like my lungs would burst from a lack of oxygen. One catch of breath, followed by a peek at my parents’ reaction. Next catch of breath—a peek at my swimming instructor. Another one—and I was searching for my friends. Months of vigorous training and strict guidance had led me to that moment, to reach the pool border first, to win a gold medal. And yet, I could only focus on what other people in the room were thinking of me. I soon realized: I was not striving for the finish line. I was seeking others’ validation of my success.
In Spring, when I turned 13, I added a gold medal to my slowly-growing collection. I was surprised by how short the cute award ceremony after the competition actually was. Not going to lie; I remember being extremely happy while standing at that podium, all giddy and smiley looking at the camera. Although shivers were running down my skin and the nauseous taste of chlorine resided in my mouth (the memory of which still makes me internally cringe to this day), I was ready to leap into the skies and conquer the entire world. Winning is always a pleasant experience, isn’t it? The euphoria, however, didn’t last long enough. The fleeting moment of satisfaction ended as quickly as it had started, which left a nasty feeling in my gut. After going back home, there were no grandiose celebrations, no heaps of approval. A few days had passed, and everyone had already moved on. I wondered if my victory, if my tiny gold medal meant anything at all. I won, but why did I feel empty inside?
I remember having a sour mood after my swimming instructor frowned when I came in second once. Or another time, when I could see a clear disappointment on my parents’ faces when I did not get a place on the podium. Even after I finally won, I felt like it was still not enough. I was not enough. Searching for their approval seemed like a perpetual cycle of hopes rising and falling short. All things considered, I cannot stress enough that there is nothing wrong with receiving validation. This is in our nature—to feel elevated when accepting accolades. The problem, unfortunately, is that external validation…is only external. When you put your self-worth into someone else’s hands, you are the mercy of their subjective view of your persona. Do you want to know what else a part of our nature is? We tend to be fickle. People will make their judgments and then shift attention onto something else. Your self-image, on the other hand, should remain unchanged. My desire was to shape a mindset that would no longer be obsessed or controlled by external validation, but by my own willingness to do better for myself.
At one point, nothing mattered anymore—whether I got the first place, the second place, the third place, or no place at all. After all, the sense of winning wears off very, very quickly. What remains is the memory of the journey you went through to win. I didn’t want to look back and remember mere affliction behind the dingy shine of my medals, simply because I was too concerned with what those medals meant to others, instead of what they meant to me. You don’t need others’ recognition of your achievements to build self-confidence. Next time, focus on your own self-fulfillment while on the path to reaching your goal. The rest is background noise. Just take a deep breath. Now… Ready. Set. Go!
HOW TO BE SELF CONFIDENT WITHOUT BEING ARROGANT
By Naeun Lee
Long past are the times when being your harshest critic was considered a part of perfecting yourself. Some might consider the now renowned phrase “Love Yourself” (thanks to BTS) as cringeworthy, self love has inevitably become a universal trend that is essentially setting the path for better mental health awareness. While many have succeeded in practicing self love through unfiltered social media posts, better nourishment, and gratitude journals, I still struggle in my journey of maintaining a healthy relationship with my body. Throughout this journey, I have fallen into multiple pitfalls, thankfully overcoming most of them, and the pitfall that I will introduce in this article is the use of self confidence as a defense mechanism that encloses our enclosed, unsolved insecurities. I have learned that this behavior can easily lead to arrogance. I wish to share ways that this pattern of behavior can be prevented.
To be completely transparent, one of the biggest struggles I had in terms of self confidence was my body image. As a hard working student operating under immense pressure within my family, food was always a coping mechanism for me. When this tendency peaked in high school, I starkly began to feel the knowing looks and inside jokes. At first, I was assured that these ‘haters’ were not affecting me. I was an outstanding student who was often recognized by teachers and classmates, and I wired myself to think that my weight was a worthy cost for all my academic recognition. Feigning self confidence, I began to criticize my “prettier”, “skinnier” friends with glowing skin as immature teenagers unable to place their priorities straight. Whenever one of my classmates would mention my appearance, I harshly clapped back by branding them as reinforcers of lookism. I still thank my friends for sticking with me through this period, and I also feel sympathy for that teeanger who was so consumed with proving her worth.
After graduating high school, I was thankfully given time to invest in self reflection. It took me some time to realize that my defensive, almost aggressive behavior was not self love by arrogance. I was overcompensating for the shame that I was feeling for my physical appearance and viewing all my amiable peers as natural naysayers. By bringing them down, I craved to elevate myself. Then what differentiates self confidence from arrogance?
First, self confidence is harder to achieve because one really has to come to terms with his or her perceived inadequacies. You truly have to believe in your worth, and in order to do that, you must not be frantic to reach full self confidence. Think of any opportunity to experience self hate or doubt not as a moment of weakness, but a meaningful opportunity to correct that misconstrued mindset. I truly believe that patience enables one to find confidence from internal factors, not external factors.
Second, remember to cultivate empathy. Empathy renders the recognition that anyone could be going through the same struggle as we are. This understanding greatly demotivates us from degrading someone as a means of self defense. Self confidence should not stem from nurturing your ego but from the basic understanding that everyone should have an equal chance to treat themselves fairly. The maintenance of empathy is a steadfast way to prevent unwitting arrogance.
Ultimately, the root of the problem in the recurrence of self image problems is not one’s arrogance but the society’s scrutinizing gaze. Although this article talks about personal growth that can be made for ourselves, in the bigger picture, we have to generate a way to instigate collective growth that can ease the burden that is placed on individuals by society that easily trigger self doubt and loss of confidence.
HEIGHTENING SELF-ESTEEM: MAKE REALISTIC GOALS AND SEEK OUTSIDE HELP
By Ja-Young Kim
Heightening self-esteem and self-image. This has been my goal to achieve for this year. If you ask me whether or not I have succeeded in achieving this goal, I think I can answer yes.
I always had low self-esteem ever since I was in middle school. Coming back to Korea in 2016 after staying abroad, I set this overwhelming goal to achieve: to enter the department of French literature in Seoul National University. I know; pretty bold for a middle schooler just entering the Korean education system, huh?
Unsurprisingly, this big goal soon severely brought down my self-esteem. I found myself facing report cards and scores that were insufficient in realizing my goal, which made me underestimate myself more and more. I found myself thinking that I was stupid and useless, and consequently lost a number of friends due to my low self-esteem. My talents which I had been proud of soon turned into mere ordinary skills, and I thought of myself as incompetent compared to my peers. My self-esteem was so low that I had to attend a special camp and listen to a lecture on self-esteem in high school.
Entering university, I decided to change the view on myself. The way in which I did this over the last 10 months was by making realistic goals and seeking outside help. First, I made small goals which were achievable: not the unrealizable, too overwhelming goals that I set as a middle schooler, but goals that I could easily achieve in everyday life. I bought a planner and started making to-do lists. At the end of each day, I complimented myself on the amount of work I’ve completed and made a fresh new list for the next day. This played a huge role in heightening my self-esteem; it helped me realize that I can achieve set goals, and that I have the ability to put things in action. I also sought help from the outside in order to improve my self-image to its maximum. I asked my friends and family to tell compliments about me and my abilities now and then. By listening to these compliments (although they were semi-forced), I could greatly improve my self-image.
The consequences of this change have been greatly positive. I gained back the friends I lost and made more new friends in high school and in university. Also, I could keep and maintain a healthy daily routine and spend my time efficiently. Most importantly, though, I came to confide in myself and become passionate in everything I do.
Why don’t you also try out these ways to improve your self-esteem? I promise, you’ll be living a life as a new you in merely a year.
JUNE 2020 ARTICLES
PRACTICING KINDNESS WITH YOURSELF
by Morgan Manier
I have never been very kind to myself. I grew up the majority of my adolescence in areas where the majority population was white. Most of my family looks different from me. My mom was adopted from South Korea in 1975 when she was one and a half years old. She has lived and grown up in the United States for her whole life. After discovering the reasoning behind my different physical appearance (the fact that I am mixed race) a whole new element to my personal identity was added. I did not know what it was to be part Korean, my mother did not grow up speaking Korean or learning about Korean culture. My identity was a giant question mark looming in my mind, I didn’t know who I was, what I was, or how I was supposed to navigate this newfound piece of me. When I was younger there was nothing I wanted more than to be white, but as I got older I wanted nothing more than to be seen as Asian; to show the part of my heritage that was not clear. I wanted to be seen as one or the other, not both and not racially ambiguous. It’s exhausting not being seen for who you are. Self-consciousness is a very complex concept because in-of-itself it is not fully conscious. You can do all you can to try to think positively about yourself but sometimes your subconscious takes charge and throws all of your progress out the window.
The summer I was 15 I developed a foot and ankle injury which resulted in me not being able to walk around or exercise for over 2 months. Over that time I gained a noticeable amount of weight which I have not been able to fully recover from to this day. This is in part because of my PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which I was diagnosed with at 16. PCOS is a hormonal imbalance which causes a variety of health problems in 1/10 women and one of whose most common side effects is easy weight gain and difficult weight loss. I became increasingly aware of my body, how it looked and how others saw it. I tried my best to cover myself up and wore sweatshirts most days. I particularly hated my legs and would wear pants even on the hottest summer days. Even with that daily exercise for 2 straight years I saw very little difference, I felt so hopeless and still do to a certain extent. There have been times I couldn’t stand to look in the mirror because I hated what I saw. I felt like such a hypocrite because I would always tell others not to hate their bodies and that they were beautiful, which they of course were, but I didn’t understand why I couldn’t apply that same positivity to myself.
Over the past few years I have struggled immensely with poor self-image and self-consciousness. I have such a clear image in my mind of what I want to look like, and my body is just not built for that image. It will not adhere. I have come to terms with what I look like and who I am as much as I can. This is a concept I still struggle with almost everyday, even today as I am writing this and most likely the day you are reading this. Self love is a process that takes time, care, effort, and more time, it is not something that happens overnight and it can be so hard sometimes words cannot express it. I don’t have greater words of wisdom as I am still going through this process of self-love myself, and feel I won’t be able to provide any proper advice other than:
You are beautiful in your own wonderful ways
You are your worst enemy when you need to be your biggest fan
Be patient with yourself, you’re growing
You are not alone
And lastly, be kind to yourself
STEPPING BACK TO LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE: A HARD BUT NEEDED TASK
by Julia Kim
So here’s a little testimony from me and my pores—yes pores. I used to look at myself on zoom in mode. I would obsessively focus on the littlest things ever: pores on my face, eyebrow hairs, the surface of my nails, blackheads, whiteheads, dead skin on my heels, wrinkles, creases… I never looked at my entire face or the shape of my eyebrows or the overall health of my feet or the general quality of my skin. Instead, I would take off my glasses to – ironically – gain better sight (I’m nearsighted, meaning I can see things with better focus and clarity without glasses) and dive into the little, little things. Here’s the problem with that: the littlest things look so huge when seen at such proximity, but taking off glasses as a nearsighted person forfeits any other vision than whatever is extremely near. I would have to hold the mirror only a few millimeters apart from my face to see anything, but doing so would ensure clarity and focus on seeing individual pores: like using the enlargement tool on Photoshop, I got a great view of all the details, but missed entirely how the details come together to form the bigger picture.
Living life in zoom-in mode, I tried just about everything I could think of to get rid of the skin “residue” I could see on my skin. I tried using super thin tweezers to physically pull out blackheads and whiteheads. I literally bought something with the material of sandpaper to rub off dead skin. I kept plucking out brow hair until there wasn’t any more to pluck that I started searching for any type of hair I could get rid of. It was hard because by theory, or at least my plan, I should be able to simply remove the “residue” and end up with clearness—nothing getting on my nerves, clean pores. But in reality, my pores would continuously fail me: blackheads and whiteheads continuously came back, brow hair was always messy because they were chunkier and thicker but always too short, wrinkles seemed to deepen daily, and nails got dirtier. Nothing was ever satisfactorily clean.
I learned the hard way—more specifically after more than twenty tweezers of various sizes, damaged skin from the sandpaper material, asymmetrical, horrible eyebrows, and ingrown hair—that I had to zoom out from the inevitable details to 1) feel satisfactory, and 2) look better, eventually. I was too obsessed with the smallest things that many others didn’t even realize, made them my insecurities, and kept striving, in the wrong ways, to reach perfection when it doesn’t exist. Hair naturally grows, brows do too, pores will do whatever they have to do, and whiteheads and blackheads are better treated in ways that are not forceful in pulling them out. Imperfection is natural.
I know a lot of friends who are like the old me, to various degrees. I have a friend who is far beyond too hung up by her armpit hair that she plucked them all out, only to get skin irritation and infections. Another friend of mine holds severely onto pulling out lashes. Our insecurities make us become encumbered by and attached to unnecessary detail, which shifts the focus from what actually matters and feeds into the vicious cycle of even more insecurities. So remember: always zoom out.
MAY 2020 ARTICLES
SUI GENERIS
by Yukta Tyagi
Sui Generis is a word of Latin origin that translates to "Of its kind," in other words, "Unique." Everyone is Sui Generis and in a truly magnificent manner. We are our most relentless critics, whether it’s how we perceive ourselves or how we 'believe' others see us. What we 'believe' others think is not always the real perception. It is just our mind deceiving us into making us overly conscious of ourselves or, for that matter, our self-image because we believe that we are not 'perfect' or the 'ideal.' We believe that the 'ideal' is expected of us, that we have to strive to achieve it, until its unhealthy for both our minds and bodies.
I remember a time when I would check the weighing scale five times a day, before and after I ate my meals only to starve myself if the number on the scale increased just by a 0.5. My weight was my biggest insecurity at that time, along with multiple other insecurities that would continuously change as the ideals of the world's concept of being attractive changed. Eventually, I got tired of it as it wasn't keeping me happy anymore. The only way I could cure myself is to change my mentality and learn to accept myself. I started maintaining a healthier lifestyle, which involved exercising and carrying out hobbies, which eventually led to self-acceptance. I am sure that there are many more who may either have similar stories or completely different yet intoxicating experience regarding their respective self-images.
We all can learn that one day the criticism might reach its breaking point only to break us further. The inordinately 'self-critical' mindset needs to change and blossom into a 'self-loving' ethos. The journey to improve self-image and increase self-love is not easy and very tenuous from time to time, yet achieving the change in the psyche is very uplifting and blissful. This isn't just vis-à-vis to one person. It is a message to everyone out there, irrespective of their community, gender, sexuality, insecurities, and many more.
Insecurity or a deformity is not a sign of imperfection in one as perfection exists within this imperfection. You are unique, and you are beautiful. No one on this planet looks precisely identical. Even the most identical twins in existence have their subtle differences making them sui generis or unique to our species. Since everyone is unique, the ideals and standards that are formed are unnecessary as no two people are born alike—resulting in everyone being their ideal as it makes everyone beautiful in their unique way. The uniqueness embraces one's beauty hence nullifying the unnecessarily critical self-image.
INSTAGRAM, RACE, AND BODY IMAGE
by Aamna Shehzad
Self-consciousness and self-image are subjects that have recently gained popularity in our society. These issues are prevalent among teens and young adults, particularly among women, but we cannot discount all the young men who suffer from these problems too. For now, I will discuss how body-image issues are created and perpetuated and share my own struggles with body-image and self-consciousness.
Social media plays a major role, maybe even the primary role, in self-image issues. Instagram is a good example of a social media platform that perpetuates unrealistic beauty standards. These standards vary from region to region: in Eastern cultures, the standard is to be thin and light-skinned while in Western cultures, the increasing standard is to be “slim-thick” (bigger chest and hips with a slim stomach) and look racially ambiguous. These beauty standards are problematic in and of themselves and have racial undertones, primarily that people are not satisfied with their appearances because of their race.
Focusing more on the appearance part, there are some things that should be taken into consideration before enshrining these body images as beauty standards. Instagram is littered with Photoshop and there have been example of celebrities altering their bodies (sometimes unsuccessfully) in Photoshop and presenting their pictures as real and #unfiltered. Instagram, however, is not the first example of using Photoshop to alter bodies completely. Photoshop and other photo editing software was already being used in advertising, showing that Instagram is not the creator and just another perpetuator of unrealistic beauty standards. Beauty standards have always been there and probably will always be there, only the way we prioritize and deal with the changes.
Personally, I don’t use Instagram a lot, so most of the body-image and self-consciousness issues I deal with stem from real life and have racial and colourist undertones. Growing up in Pakistan, there is the prevailing beauty standard being slim and having light skin. Even though I am from a northern region and have a fairer skin tone than most, I still wasn’t “white” enough for a society that was and always will be brown. Movies, TV shows, advertisements, and even family members encouraged me to have lighter skin and scrub my face with all sorts of face lightening and brightening face washes. Moreover, when I was a kid and was skinny, my aunts told me to eat more and be healthier, but when I gained some weight, I was told to be skinnier and eat less. My appearance has never meant a lot to me, but when family members repeatedly told me that I was fat and compared me to others, it really affected me deeply. I never had severe eating disorders, but did develop low self-worth, anxiety, and I have occasionally indulged in binge eating.
The way I dealt with my body image issues was by my parents and one of my closest teachers telling me that my personality, goals, and morality matters so much more than my
appearance and that I shouldn’t put my self-worth in the way I look. People will never be satisfied with you and will always find something to critique; that’s just human nature. The best you can do is know that your worth isn’t defined by others, it’s defined by you. Your appearance is not you. It is the first thing people see about you, which is why it’s so important in our society, but people who truly care for you will take the time to get to know you beyond your appearance. For me, personality matters much more than appearance because physical beauty fades, heart doesn’t.